• Kalen Clark

Losing Our Dream Home and Finding Our Placeholder

Updated: Nov 11, 2020

In mid-October 2019, we moved into a house on a cul-de-sac, in our old neighborhood. The one neighborhood we'd left 7 months earlier, hoping we'd be moving to a little land with room to garden, grow trees, and have chickens.

Instead, we lost the house we were buying and ended up living with my wonderful in-laws, where we waited for another property to come on the market. It never did.

We were disappointed but couldn't keep living with my in-laws. With me being a Realtor, it made more sense for us to buy another house than to rent. We wanted a place that would easily resell. So we picked a place with a large backyard and moved in.

It was... odd. Like living in someone else's home, really. On one hand, we felt blessed and relieved. A space of our own again! Getting our stuff out of storage. Being able to get back into a routine.

Our New Homeschool Room

On the other hand, it wasn't what we were trying to do. We'd failed. We hadn't been able to provide the kids the new lifestyle we promised and talked about every day for months.

It felt like if we couldn't get what was the whole reason for our move in the first place, we should be moving back into our old home. All of us were missing it. We worried all of this had been for nothing... one big mistake.

But... time changes things, as you know.

And it has been four months now.

Four months of stress, arguments, tears, anger and adjustment. Four months of decluttering and downsizing, prioritizing, and praying. Four months of trying to settle the disruption. Four months of grief that still feels very raw.

But also four months of healing. Four months of growth.

The kids have loved their playhouse and riding their bikes on the cul-de-sac. We've hosted friends and had parties, painted and decorated. We've taken bubble baths, laid on the cozy couch nursing colds, baked cookies that make the house smell delicious, had movie nights in front of the fireplace, taken long walks, and sat on our front porch.

Most importantly, God has humbled us.

We lovingly joke that this is our Placeholder Home. That we'll only be staying until our "real home" is finally found... but who knows how long that will take? We can't let it completely consume our thoughts any more, but we'll be ready.

We've been practicing just taking things one day at a time.

We are grateful God gave us a place to rest. Grateful we have choices financially. Grateful for time laughing with family and friends. Grateful for each other. Grateful for hope. And grateful for home.


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